Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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