my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize