He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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