god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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