Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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