remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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