So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize