I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize