I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize