happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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