If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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