It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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