Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize