I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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