I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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