My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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