dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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