my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize