Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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