They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
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Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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