Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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