It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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