i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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