I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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