I want to make a zoo with you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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