I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize