I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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