Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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