Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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