I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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