I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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