dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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