sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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