Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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