First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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