I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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