Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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