I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize