I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We got so high we made milksteak
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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