Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize