i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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