i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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