Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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