I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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