She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize