well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
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I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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