I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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