one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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