Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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