It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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