I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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