I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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